Peanut Logic - The content of this page will not likely be of interest to anyone outside my immediate family. Nevertheless, I did not want to allow these pearls to be lost to the march of time or the indignities of a fading recollection.
Peanut has always had a perspective that is at once, wise beyond her years, while still imbued with a child’s whimsical innocence.
For clarity, Faith and Peanut are one in the same, as is Derek and Papa.
When Faith was four.
She was in the company of five of her cousins (children of my younger brother and sister) Faith is telling her cousins about something she did with my (Derek’s) Mother.
Faith refers to her grandma as Grandma Dahlia. A reference she came up with on her own and one that none of her other cousins use. They collectively refer to my mother as Nanny.
Faith: Grandma Dahlia took me….
(before she can finish her story she is interrupted by several of her cousins)
Peyton: Why do you call her Grandma Dahlia?
Reed: Yeah why
Faith looks at all of them with a curious expression raises her hands up near her chin palms up as if to say duh, and says “Because she’s not Grandma Helen”
When Faith was five.
Conversation with Faith.
Faith: Papa, can I have peanut butter toast for breakfast?
Derek: Yes
Faith: But I don’t want my peanut butter toast cooked.
Derek: So you just want me to put peanut butter on bread that is not toasted?
Faith: Yes
Derek: Do you want me to fold the bread?
Faith: If you fold the bread that would make it a peanut butter sandwich.
Derek: Yes
Faith: (slightly exasperated) Papa, we don’t have peanut butter sandwiches for breakfast. Peanut butter sandwiches are for lunch.
Derek: You’re right, I’m sorry.
When Faith was five.
Derek is getting ready to go out to supper.
Faith walks into our room while I am getting ready to go.
Faith: It smells like Papa in here.
Derek: (concerned) And what does that smell like?
Faith: Handsome
When Faith was five.
Faith is in her room on the top bunk and asks me to put in a video for her to watch.
I said okay but if you suck your thumb I will take Elle away (Elle is her stuffed elephant and constant companion, they are inseparable). I put in the movie and turned to leave the room to see Faith with her arm out stretched with Elle to hand to me. With a curious look I reached out and took Elle in my hand.
Papa: Why are you giving me Elle?
Faith: Because I need to learn not to suck my thumb.
When Faith was five.
Faith and Papa wrestling.
Papa fiercely tickling Faith.
Faith is screeching and screaming.
Papa: You scream like a little girl.
Faith: I am a little girl. You tickle like a little girl.
When Faith was five.
Papa taking Faith to the Equine Affair at Fairplex
Papa: Do you wanna go to the horse show?
Faith: (excited) yes, are the horse going to be on stage?
Papa: What do you mean?
Faith: (frustrated) Are the horses going to sing and dance on stage?
Papa; I don’t think so. Why do you ask?
Faith: Because it’s a horse show.
When Faith was six.
Faith: I want to start saying Gesundheit.
Papa: Okay?
Faith: Papa. How do say Gesundheit in Spanish?
Papa: Honey, Gesundheit is a German word.
Faith: How do you say bless you in Spanish?
Papa: Why don’t you ask your Grandma Dahlia.
Faith: Grandma Dahlia can speak Spanish!?
Papa: Yes.
Faith: But she’s not from India.
When Faith was six.
Fath: Papa, I know why I have bad dreams.
Papa: Why Sweetheart?
Faith: Because I forget to smile when I go to sleep.
When Faith was six.
Faith: Papa, can I have some milk in my oatmeal?
Papa: Yes of course Sweetheart.
(Papa holding milk carton above bowl) “Say when”
Faith: Now
When Faith was 8 - This story is a bit of a trek, but I promise it’s worth the journey. It is cautionary tale about how despite our best effort as parents, the life lessons that we are attempting to impart to our children are not always the ones that they take away from the encounter.
Faith and I are heading out so I can drive her to school. You know, the morning rush. As we are getting into the truck, I notice a large opossum walking down the driveway towards us. It seems oblivious to our presence. It gets about 20 feet away and finally looks up enough to see us. It makes a quick turn to escape into the front yard but gets caught in the chain link. It is way too big to get through or under the fence and the dim-witted creature is still wrestling in an effort to do so as I walk up, grab its tail and pull it out of the fence. I’m standing there holding the thing up by its tail so I can get a good look at it. He’s a full-grown adult and not happy. We’ve had some recent drama with dog vs opossum on the ranch and I immediately know what I should do. I hear the concern in Peanut’s voice from behind.
Faith: “Papa, what are you going to do?”
Me: “Well Faith, I think you know what I need to do”
Faith (voice cracking with emotion): “No Papa, please no Papa, don’t kill it”
Me: “Faith, the last interaction between the dogs and one of these things cost us $600 in vet bills”
Faith (now tearing up): “Papa please! Please Papa!”
Me: “Sweetheart, what do you expect me to do right now?”
Faith: “Let’s take him somewhere else and let him go”
Now I need another chore like I need I need a hole in my head, but my teary-eyed princess is hard for me to deny.
Me (begrudgingly): “Ah Faith!.......... Oh fine! But I am going to take you to school first, we are already running late. Then I’ll go find a field somewhere and let the damn thing go. Okay?!”
Faith (having gotten her way – smiling): “Okay Papa. I love you”
Ya-ya, I know what you’re thinking. What can I say, she’s my Peanut! I just work here. But now I am faced with how to transport this angry marsupial. We are running late, and I figure the thing will hide in the corner so I just drop it into the bed of truck and tell Faith “let’s go”. We head out and like fathers do, I see this as a teachable moment. So, I embark on one of my signature soap box lectures while driving to school.
Me: “Faith, I agreed to let the animal go this time and so I will. But I need you to understand something. You know that I would never go out in search of animals in other locations to kill, but that’s not the case here. When you are an adult, you often have no choice but to make difficult decisions in order to protect your family, your pets, or your home. I will only dispatch pests on the ranch when they are doing damage or are a threat to our safety or that of our pets. Someday the ranch will be yours and you will have to make these kinds of decisions to protect yourself and your family.
Faith is in the back seat and at this point I turn around for impact after a brief dramatic pause to ask the lesson question.
Me: “Sweetheart, do you understand what I am trying to tell you right now?”
Faith (with thoughtful eye contact): “Yes Papa, I understand”
Before I can turn back around, I look over Faiths shoulder to see the opossum engaging in a high wire like circus routine while tight roping the top of the tail gate on the truck. Now we are doing about 35 miles per hour at that moment, and I notice the guy driving behind us with a wide-eyed gaping mouth expression watching the show.
We were on a two-lane rural road. I quickly swerve to the dirt shoulder while hitting the brakes. The abrupt stop sent the opossum flying off the top of the tailgate and hurls him back into the bed of the truck. I jump out of the truck to check the back. To say that the opossum was upset would be woefully understating his temperament at the time. The previously angry creature was now vibrating with furry. He wanted a piece of me. Whoever says opossums are dossel creatures clearly has never taken one on an untethered joy ride in the back of a Ford pick-up. I know that I can’t just continue on to school and drop Faith with this wild animal doing acrobatics in the back. I jump into the truck bed to see if I can corral the creature which has now transformed into the mythical Chimera. With a bucket and short handled broom as my shield and sword, I managed to grab my fire breathing foe by the tail again. Now what do I do? I don’t have a cage and I can’t drive around town since he won’t stay in the bed. He is writhing and hissing in fury while trying desperately to reach back up to bite my hand. The good news is that no matter how enraged, he was just too big and fat to get his mouth high enough. Without thinking, I extend my arm out over the truck bed and just let go. He hits the ground running. I had no idea they could move so fast. As I mentioned, we live is a rural community. There is lots of land all around us, but inexplicitly, this guy decides to make a b-line for the front porch of the closest house. I watch him scamper onto the porch and then into the foyer of the home. For a split second, I considered running to warn the residents about the intruder, but then I jumped out of the bed and into the cab. Hey, we were late to school!
At this point I am incredulous. I really can’t believe what has transpired, I just must share this. While driving to school, I call my best friend to tell the story. I recount the entire episode in detail to Brian. I end the conversation as we are both laughing with the following statement.
Me: “So all I really managed to do was to further infuriate an already angry wild animal and then let it go in the neighbor’s yard.”
I hang up the phone and proceed to drop Peanut at school.
Now flash forward three days. Faith and I are in the nursery department of our Home Depot when I feel Peanut tugging on my sleeve.
Me: “Yes Faith”
Peanut: “Papa, will snails die if they are left in the sun?”
Me: “Yes they will”
Peanut: “Okay good, because I found a snail on the concrete in the sun, so I picked him up and put him in the pot of the plant over there in the shade”
Now of course I see another teachable moment here. I bend down so we’re at eye level and take both her hands in mine.
Me: “Oh Peanut, that was so sweet of you to try and save the snail. But I need you to understand something. Snails eat our plants. So, even though what you did was sweet while we are here, when we are at home and you find snails, I would like for you to put them in the trashcan. Will you do that for me sweetheart?”
Faith gets a very serious look on her face. She pauses for a moment and then with certainty and direct eye contact, she says…
“NO Papa……”
“But I will let them go in the neighbor’s yard”